Is my Three-Year Old Resenting Me?
I know I’m not in the same state as my son. It hurts me to say that. All of this wasn’t supposed to happen. I thought his father and I come to an agreement that we would have our son month to month, that way we both get to spend time with him. When the time was right our child to attend preschool, he would be able to attend school in Southern California.
After his father decided to make changes once I left, that time for me to spend with my son didn’t happen. I didn’t get my month of August or October. I didn’t get to spend his third birthday taking him to Disneyland like my husband and I planned for. It’s unbelievable for someone to take away a mother's or father's child and using them to hurt you.
Just last week, we attended our case management meeting through Zoom. We were given instructions to take our co parenting classes online. That my son’s father is to give me more time with my son video chatting Thursdays, Fridays, and Saturdays. He was no longer to take over the video calls and interrupt them. Of course, all this pissed him off.
Thursday came, I was video chatting with my three-year-old. I watched him play with his toys, we were counting and singing, just having fun like we normally do. The following day, he didn’t want to be on camera. He didn’t want to say hi or anything. I wasn’t sure what happened. I figured he wasn’t in the mood to video chat with me a second day. His father was trying to get him to say hi and push him towards the camera, but he kept hiding from me. I didn’t want his father to force him to chat with me. I ended the call. I cancelled the video call for Saturday since it was my gender reveal party. I knew I would be busy helping to set for the party.
The following week. I woke up to a notification and message from my son’s father. Stating that our son was in the hospital due to a UTI. I wanted to video chat to see him, but knowing he wasn’t feeling good with a high fever, I decided to reschedule the next day. I normally do my video chats around noon. Well, it got cancelled by his father since he had gone to work without informing me. I was upset, but I didn’t allow my anger overcome me. Since, our messages are being recorded and will appear in court. We were able to rescheduled later that night at 7:30pm. I waited and waited for 24 minutes until he was in the room with our son.
I knew my son still wouldn’t be into video chatting, especially being in the hospital and not getting enough sleep. Same thing that happened the last time. He didn’t want to look at me. The phone was sitting on his bed, and he was pushing it away with his foot. I felt terrible. I decided to end the call earlier than expected. After the call, I ended up crying my eyes out. I felt like I was getting the same treatment as my siblings and I had done to our own mother. I hate the feeling.
October 28th, my son was discharged from the hospital. I video chat was still short, again he didn’t want to talk to me at all. I prayed to God that he doesn’t continue to have this emotion towards me at a very young age. I was dreading the following day. I wanted to message his dad and let him know I couldn’t keep having a short video call with him, and I wasn’t going to force him to talk to me. I decided not to. Once the time came, I have seen my son, and he was going to do the same thing. I kept asking him questions, talking to him like I normally do. Making different sound effects trying to get him to feel comfortable again. It took him a minute, but he finally came around. I was able to video chat with him for a full hour. Throughout the call, he was laughing and having fun. One thing I noticed about him during this video call was that, it's not the fact he’s resenting me, it’s the feeling of me not being there. I can see how sad he is. I’ve always been by my son's side, and knowing I’m not there breaks my heart. I hope and pray that I will be able to have my child back. This whole thing that his dad is putting us both through, is making my relationship with my son so much harder. It’s hurting not only me but my son.